Spinal Tap

Jim's York Pub Guide

This page goes to eleven.

Lt. Hookstratten: This is our monthly "At Ease" weekend. It gives us a chance to let our hair down, although I see you've got a head start in that department. I shouldn't talk, though, I'm getting a little shaggy myself. I'd better not stand too close to you, people might think I'm part of the band.
I'm joking, of course.

Marty: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.
David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.
Marty: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a Saint Hubbins?
David St. Hubbins: That's right, yes.
Marty: What was he the saint of?
David St. Hubbins: He was the patron saint of quality footwear.

Ian Faith: Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.

Artie Fufkin: You know what I want you to do? Will you do something for me?
David St. Hubbins: What?
Artie Fufkin: Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all. Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on. I'm not asking, I'm telling with this. Kick my ass.

Lt. Hookstratten: May I start by saying how thrilled we are to have you here. We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll.

[Asked by a reporter if this is the end of Spinal Tap]
David St. Hubbins: Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you.

Mick Shrimpton: As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.

[Reading a review of Spinal Tap's latest album]
Marty DiBergi: "This pretentious ponderous collection of religious rock psalms is enough to prompt the question, `What day did the Lord create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?'"

David St. Hubbins: I, for one, do not think the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.

David St. Hubbins: It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever.

David St. Hubbins: Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.

Nigel Tufnel: It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.

David St. Hubbins: They were still booing him when we came on stage.

Jeanine Pettibone: You don't do heavy metal in Dubly, you know.

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and -
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten.
You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [Pause] These go to eleven.

[Nigel Tufnel is showing Marty DiBergi one of his favorite guitars]
Nigel Tufnel: The sustain, listen to it. Marty DiBergi: I don't hear anything.
Nigel Tufnel: Well you would though, if it were playing.

[Reading a review of the album "Shark Sandwich"]
Marty DiBergi: Two words: shit sandwich.

David St Hubbins: Wanker. This much talent.

Chauffeur: When you have loved and lost like Frank.....

Chauffeur: Have you read "Yes I Can" by Sammy Davis Jnr?